Evil Dead remake.

I might be a little late on the boat with this one, but this morning, someone pointed me towards the red band trailer for the Evil Dead remake, viewable here:

Evil Dead 2013 trailer!

As you have possibly noticed, I am extremely sceptical around the area of remakes, or 're-imaginings' (as is the buzzword for 'atrocity'... obviously). The Nightmare on Elm Street remake, and it's hideous pillaging of what I consider to be some of the finest moments in the horror genre, was saved by the presence of Kyle Gallner and his speedos, Nispel's Texas Chainsaw Massacre lacked the teeth and the grime of the original, and please... I beg you... Don't make me think about the Friday 13th remake :(

So it was with a cynical sneer and a heart full of contempt that I approached this latest remake. The presence of Jane Levy and Shiloh Fernandez notwithstanding! The Evil Dead holds a very special place in my childhood memories, as possibly one of the first horror films I remember watching, with my older brother. Being quite a few years older than me, my Mum used to make him watch horror films in the living room with the door shut... So poor impressionable little Gray didn't get all traumatised and what not. Unbeknownst to Mummy, was the fact that if I merely pulled the netted dividing curtains next to the door just so... Being very careful not to pull the pins out of the wall and so alert the feds (or parents.. if you will), I could watch my brothers horror film to my hearts content. Parents were none the wiser and all was content.

Going into school the next day and while playing tag screeching "DEAD BY DAWN!!!!" while trying to catch the other children however, gave my game away somewhat. It was shortly after that meeting with the headteacher that my parents realised that whatever barrier they put between their sweet little blonde child and the horror genre, she would tear it down.

I know that a lot of fans of the original film have an issue with the fact that there is no Ash Williams character, one of the most iconic heroes of horror. But for a moment, think how much you would hate it if there was a new Ash, an Ash that wasn't Bruce Campbell and didn't tread that line of comedy and horror acting so finely as he. What if Ash was played by someone like... I dunno... Justin Timberlake or someone awful like that (No offence to Mr Timberlake... he is very good at what he does, which is shitty acting). I myself was one of those who scoffed at the castlist "What? No ASH?", and it was only this morning, while watching the face slicing, arterial spray-tastic trailer that I thought.... I don't want anyone else to be Ash. Ash is Bruce Campbell, Bruce Campbell is Ash and I would hate it if anyone else reprised that role.

Of course this could be another case of all the best parts of a horror film being in the trailer (Paranormal Activity, I'm looking at you here), and I will reserve final judgement until I see the finished product, but all in all a VERY promising peek!

Eden Lake (Dir. James Watkins, 2008)

Well... This might actually be a first (and last, hopefully) in my existence. I was sick in my mouth during a horror film.

Let me explain what happened....
At the moment I am in the final throes of my MA dissertation, my chosen subject area was the white trash monster and its persistence at times of conflict and in my final chapter I decided to compare the American 'white trash' to the British 'chav' in the way they are both a demonisation of the working class.

After being encouraged by some friends in the academic sphere I thought 'I'm a friggin' genius' and proceeded to watch (and in some cases, re-watch) the cream of the recent 'Hoodie Horror' cycle of films.

I had never watched Eden Lake before, but as it has Michael Fassbender (Who I believe is one of the greatest actors of our time) in it and seemed to tick my boxes in terms of blood shed, I thought I would give it a whirl.

Now that I have set the scene, let me draw you a picture of myself, mid way through the film.

It's not a pretty picture, it involves me holding my hand over my mouth, stomach in spasm as a boxcutter dances the light fantastic inside Michael Fassbender's mouth.

Eden Lake is possibly one of the most brutal and terrifying films I have ever seen. This is, you must keep in mind, from a girl that was thoroughly un-squicked by A Serbian Film, that laughed gayly at The Human Centipede (first and full sequence) and merely asked questions about the anatomical accuracy of the contents of an eyeball stalk when watching Hostel. I'm a hard cookie when it comes to horror. Please bear that in mind.

I think the reason why Eden Lake terrified me is that it is all so plausible, it is so realistic and could happen. Growing up on a council estate in North West London, these kids are the kids I knew. I think it is doubly frightening for me as not only did I know these kids, if my parents had not got the breaks that they did, I may well have been one of these kids, instead of my current identification alignment with the well to do couple, Jenn and Steve.

I think most people have been in the situation where they want to say something to a boy spitting in the street, or a group of kids with a big mean looking dog, pulling back the lead to make the dog rear up at you when you walk past with your fags clutched tightly to your chest at 11.00pm outside Spar, this film's resounding message was "Leave it, yeah?" (Lethal Bizzle, I salute you)

This is not to say I hate the film, or that it is in any way a 'bad' film. It is stunning in terms of it's cinematography, the young actors are superb (Especially Finn Atkins and the actor that was beaten by the 'Brett' character whose name escapes me... but kudos, young sir). This film was a strong contender for 'double cigarette at the end to calm down' award. I was left with a feeling of seething anger, a strong emotion that no film before has left me with. In short, I am glad people are making these films, but I will never sit through this one again.